MENTION most courses to your golfing pals and you can usually expect a two or three word reply from those who've played it. Fast greens . . . horrific bunkers . . . nice clubhouse . . . or even fabulous bacon butties. But mention Portal, and you're just as likely to spark off a golfing soap opera. Some will recall the dramatic events of its early years. Others the extraordinary clubhouse that began life as the original course developer's home. Then there's that amazing sign that reads your car number plate as you drive in, and flashes up a welcome. Or those tales of coming back from the 19th hole to find your shoes have been cleaned and shined, the superlative teaching academy and - for the real soap opera fans among us - all those television stars and Premiership footballers you always seem to spot out on the course. But chances are that all those tales will refer to Portal's Championship course, just off the A49 north of Tarporley, in Cheshire. Few, if any, will relate to Portal's neighbouring, slightly younger brother - Portal Premier - which began life as Oaklands Golf Club, and was eventually amalgamated into the Portal Golf and Country Club set-up in the mid-1990s. There are no electronic signs in this car park. The only two celebrities I've ever seen there are Alan Ball and Max Farnham, from Brookside. And nobody ever cleans your shoes. I carried my clubs around Portal's hills for seven years. No problem. (But my five years older legs and lungs were to question the decision to forgo a buggy several times in the next 31>2 hours). Very little seemed to have changed, apart from some new bunkering - most obviously on the home hole. But these fair-ways to heaven are also five years older now, and even at the end of March they looked much better knitted together than I remembered. The greens, too, have come on considerably, and though recently aerated were surprisingly quick. By summertime, they could be scarily fast! Given the challenges that lie ahead, the first hole offers a gentle introduction, a 330 yard par 4 whose only real danger are the out of bounds posts guarding the A49 down the left. Any reasonable drive should avoid the fair-way bunker, and then it's just a short iron to a generous, though well bunkered green - with an unexpected stretch of sand hidden behind the putting surface. But there's nothing gentle about number two - a brute of a par five at 590 yards, which needs two very good hits to get you anywhere near the angle of the dog-leg left that takes you back down hill to the green. We also faced the unexpected hazard of a jogger coming over the brow of the hill just as we prepared to play! If there's a group ahead of you, be sure to listen for the greenside bell before playing your third. And be warned: A huge chasm of a bunker lies unseen down there, guarding the green to the right. Moving on to the short par four third always sends a shudder up my spine, as the card insists that its 294 yards - with out of bounds and a cluster of three bunkers down the left and another bunker right - is the easiest hole on the course! If you can drive the green, it probably is. If you miss, yet more deep bunkers guard both sides of the putting surface. The next loop of five holes will challenge players of any handicap. A 340 yard par four needs a solid mid iron, steeply down hill, to the angle of a 90 degree dogleg left. Get it right and all you'll need is a wedge or 9-iron to a dramatically raised green. Get it wrong left, and you'll do well to find your ball in the copse that covers the steep hillside. Get it wrong right, and you'll be yelling Fore! at full throttle as a warning to players on the sixth tee, out of sight below you. Hole five is the first of four excellent par threes, from a tier of raised tees to a flat, narrow green 152 yards away, with a long bunker guarding the front. And the hole is called Cross Wind for very good reason. Number 6 is a 350 yard par four, requiring a tee shot between or over the Twin Oaks that give it its name, to a fairway that slopes significantly from right to left. Like several holes on the course it has no fairway bunkering, as the lie of the land is challenge enough. No chance of a flat lie for your shortish second. A sharply rising path to the right of the green takes you to Quarry - which does exactly what it says on the card. The 155-yard uphill tee shot takes you to a green that is literally the floor of an old quarry working, and the sandstone walls surround two sides. Hole eight is called Roman Way on the card, for no doubt well researched historical reasons. To many members, it is more accurately Slicer's Night-mare, as the quarry green you have just left creates an out of bounds that makes the narrow tee shot very scary indeed, given that the hedge down the left marks the edge of the course. Incidentally, that buzzing in your ears isn't insects - it's the sound of cars at the Oulton Park motor racing school. Look beyond that and you should see Jodrell Bank radio telescope. Hit the fairway with your tee shot, and the green is but a mid iron away. But what you can't see from the fairway is the bunker to the left, set in a mound - which is actually a couple of feet higher than the putting surface. You now face three very strong par fours. Off the white tees, all are around 450 yards. Though off the yellows, hole nine is a more manageable 388. The hole doglegs left between a copse and a mound carrying out of bounds stakes to the left. The Quandary that gives Hole 10 its name involves both choice of club and direction, as a small lake and stand of trees sit smack in the middle of the fairway at approximately 150 yards from the green. Not too much chance of landing in it off the tee of this 429 yard monster. But many a good shot down the middle leaves you seriously blocked out for your second. The bowl of a green is protected by a steep bank to the left and a bunker right, that sits fully four feet above the putting surface. Hole 11 is, along with the 15th, one of two that can lay claim to being the course's signature hole, and keeps fond memories alive by carrying the name Oaklands. It is certainly the most brutal, at 418 yards - all of it steeply uphill. It begins with a challenging drive between two mature trees to a fairway tilting from left to right. Hit a screamer of a fairway wood for your second and you should be close enough to the green for a chip. But the only sensible advice to the handicap golfer is - play it as a par five. The 12th offers a little respite, at 335 yards, though its set of three bunkers down the left and a frequent headwind are enough to keep you on your toes. Then it's two strong par fours, each over 400 yards, even from the yellows. The second of them, the 14th, offers views across a valley to Portal's Championship course. The 15th hole is the one most remembered by visitors. Off the white tees, at 205 yards, it is one of the best par threes in the North West. And even though much less daunting, at 165 off the yellows, hitting your ball off the top of a cliff down to a well bunkered, kidney-shaped green is still an experience to savour. The 16th is a par 5 of 523 yards, with a lateral water hazard along the left, which turns sharply left. Miss the bunker at the angle, and you face a second across a narrow stretch of fairway with a lake immediately off its right edge. Then a mid to short iron third takes you to a large, two-tiered green which is well protected by a hard-to-spot bunker. Hole 17 is the last of the par threes, and quite a challenge at 160 yards, usually into the wind, across two lakes joined by a waterfall, with a big bunker guarding the front left of the green. And the footbridge is part of the hazard. The closing par 5, though short at just 485 yards off the yellows, boasts a challenging tee shot that ideally needs a long draw around the lake in front of the 17th green, onto another of those tilting fairways. The green is a huge amphitheatre, guarded by some redesigned bunkering to the right and a craftily hidden bunker to the left, so the entrance is narrow and the putt often enormously long. FINAL VERDICT My pal Rod reckoned Portal Premier was a cracker and in great nick for so early in the season. And that long walk had really worked up both our appetites. Though a lot more tired than I remember from my membership years, my verdict hasn't changed at all . . . Still crazy - after all these years. FACT FILE Address: Forest Road, Tarporley, Cheshire, CW6 0JA SSS: 71 (Out: 35 In: 36)Yards: 6,582 Ladies: SSS: 74 Yards: 5,681 Course record: Pro: Mike Hollingworth (Denton) 64 Amateur: Paul Mayoh 67 Signature hole: 15th, a 205 yard par 3 from the back tees played from an elevated tee to a green some 80 feet below with sweeping views of the Cheshire plain Description: Impressive parkland challenge Contact Details: Telephone 01829 733884 Pro shop 01829 733703 Professional: Judy Statham Visitors: welcome. Weekdays £30; weekend £35 Societies: Welcome weekday by prior arrangement; packages on application from £32. Catering: Full clubhouse facilities Dress code: No tracksuit bottoms or jeans; shirt with collar and sleeves; proper golf shoes. Website: www.portlandspremier.co.uk E-mail address: july@portlandspremier.totalserve.co.uk * Details correct at the time of going to press. | 
